The Pulse and the Smile

I had a great night of sleep, not tired at all, I ate, I have no urges that need to be addressed. Perfect conditions, especially the not being tired part, for a serious meditation session. I’ve been knocking on F21’s door for a while, and today was just another day doing that. I’ve also been experimenting with another meditation I do in the evenings, but more on that another time.

F21 Freeflow

Getting into Focus 10 is now as simple as taking a deep breath, visualizing “10,” and repeating a quick “mind awake, body asleep” mantra. These days, it rarely takes more than a minute or two. Ironically, this progress seems to have disrupted my usual lucid dream induction process. In the afternoons, I just end up lying there, mind awake and body asleep 🤦‍♂️.

F12 has also become more automatic. As soon as I start counting up, I feel my energy body expand around my physical one. By the time I reach 12, my awareness shifts to it. It’s a hard sensation to describe, but it’s completely distinct from physical awareness. It feels electric, slightly warm and buzzing. I experience subtle vibrations as I transition between focus levels, and a gentle bobbing when preparing to move on or return. It’s unmistakably real. Learning to direct awareness to it was essential, and it took time to integrate.

We moved on from F12 without issue. I was guided to see and feel the soft white glow of F21 surrounding my energy body, and more importantly, to get comfortable in it. Then I moved through and away from it. My awareness shifted again—this time from the energy body to the white light of F21. That took some effort to fully grasp, but for me, that’s the mechanism for moving between altered states, or focus levels.

I’ve been applying the same idea for F18, shifting my awareness to the heart chakra. It’s helped clarify that these altered states are really just different ways of tuning awareness. Like tuning a vintage radio 📻. The trick is getting the frequency just right. And if you’ve used one of those old radios, you know how temperamental they can be. So can we, in how we tune into ourselves and our environment.

When I arrived at F21, I could tell it wasn’t completely empty. There was faint activity, just on the edge of perception. I stayed positive and simply observed. After a while of more nothing, I started feeling disheartened. I remember saying aloud, “I don’t care if I’m seen. I know I’m not special. I just want to interact and learn.” Right then, the familiar white-light strobe of connection appeared.

I immediately began communicating: “hello,” “I won’t hurt you,” and projected a non-verbal image of myself as a 7-year-old, sitting attentively at a school desk.

I’m not sure how soon it came after, but I remember receiving NVC in response. I can’t recall the exact content, but I know it was humorous. I smirked, then smiled. I felt my physical face do it. Whatever was sent to me was intentional, a real message meant to trigger real emotion. That was the most striking part—it came through with unmistakable clarity.

I sent back a smile and laughter in NVC, then asked, “Who are you?” Instantly, I saw the familiar gold and green orb pulse in response. I asked to see them. A shape began to form.

I saw a neck and head. The face was faint, but I could make out the lower half. They weren’t smiling at first, but once the shape took form, a smile appeared. Then it all faded, and the gold and green orb returned and pulsed again. I remember saying, “It is you!” and again, the same pulse replied.

This has to be one of the slowest unveilings of a guide I’ve ever heard of. I joke, but I’ve never read anything like this. Most stories go, “My guide appeared and spoke to me, we had lunch and played charades, they love me so much!” Meanwhile, I’m here like a newborn—eyes open but barely seeing—taking months to recognize the beings that watch over me and interpret the symbolism.

And that’s okay. I trust the pace. It feels intentional and necessary.

As the instructor voice came in to guide my awareness back, I let them know I had to go. A gold and green pulse answered. I sent as much gratitude as I could for the experience, then counted myself out of meditation, retracing the steps back the same way I came in.

For the rest of the “quiet time” Kim and I observe in our house, from noon to 4 p.m., I stayed in bed trying to induce a lucid dream. But, as I mentioned, I think I need a new method. My initiation into F10 has started to blend with the induction technique I’ve used for years. I welcome this kind of problem. It means I get to explore new approaches, experiment, and keep learning.